Unconditional Love

Growing up, particular familial roles are assumed and there is a power dynamic between father and daughter. Less examined but more confounding is the love dynamic between them. When a daughter grows up achieving accolades to provoke verbal affirmation, it translates into her dating life. Rather than think how she and a suitor fit well together, she contemplates how to make a suitor like her. And when he doesn’t utter three small words, her actions and gestures become bigger, ironically only making her feel smaller. For many years and many relationships, she will feel as though she must jump through hoops. She will begin to believe that like a promotion or raise, unconditional love must be earned–a disgusting irony she romanticizes. She will mistake pleading for pleasing and deprivation as a symbol of devotion. If she never hears that she is beautiful or that she is loved, she will think it is normal when her boyfriend doesn’t—even if she wants him to.

Fathers, be the man you want your daughter to marry. A daughter has to learn how to accept love and how to recognize love. If kind words don’t naturally fall from your mouth; do it anyway. Sacrifice your comfort zone and masculinity woes to encourage and embrace your baby girl. May her first lesson in love be taught by you.

Daughters, pursue an honest relationship with your father. Lick wounds you have ignored and swallow the pride you both may share. If you want to grow old with another man, begin at the infant stages with your father. What do you consider a healthy relationship? How did you come to that conclusion? Have you ever been in something that looks that it? …Why not?

A father’s love acts as nourishment for the soul. Yes, a woman can go her whole life without a father and turn out splendid. But she can also grow hungry and start supplementing with harmful vices. Repairing the relationship with her father will have a profound domino effect, and future lovers and future children will be so grateful. As will she.